Sunday, 28 August 2011

Step one: Breathe

So here I am.

Shaking nervously and excitedly, breathing deeply, checking my lists for the 6th time today, making sure I didn't forget to pack anything. How do I pack everything I need for 8 months into nothing more than a couple of boxes and suitcases? How many sweaters will I actually need and I can live with out that extra pair of shoes? It is questions like these have exhuasted me more than the actual manual labour of packing. And there is always the voice of reason (or insanity) in the back of my head saying, "What if you need it? You should bring it . . . just in case." To tell you the truth that voice sounds an aweful lot like my mothers :) But I am blessed to have her wisdom flood over me in such unsettling and impatient times. So I confess I have 2 boxes, 1 suitcase, 2 vaccuum sealed bags (the best thing since cheese), a guitar and a handful of odds and sodds stuffed into the back of our car. Oh and faithful Superbowl, my orange chopped velvet stuffed dog that I won at a superbowl party 9 years ago.

This is it. In 10 hours I will say good bye to my beloved Ritsema Homestead and dear Ontario, and move to beautiful Prince Edward Island to begin my adventure as a Pastry Chef! The Lord has guided me toward this adventure and I am ready! Yes I am afraid of what is to come, and I am starting to question again if this is the right decision. Yes I am sad, and even a little heart broken that I will be leaving everything I know and love. I will miss the smell of autumn, the rusty scent of leaves waltzing with a cool north westerly breeze laced with frost. I will miss the impossibly loud bae of the neighbours donkey in the middle of the night. I will miss the crackle and hum of the word furnace in my basement. I will miss my beloved family and cherished friends whoms embraces and kisses I couldn't get enough of in these past few weeks. And I will especially miss 5:00 am wake up call during goose season as my cousin snipes off those wretched Canada geese! The perfect combination of shot gun fire, paniced geese and the sudden splash as their bodies plumet into the pond is like the symphony to me.

But I also want to highlight all the things that I am excited for. I am excited to not know anyone there. Think of all the people I will get to meet, the relationships I will form, and the new friendships I will cherish. I am excited to be living in a new province, culture, and weather system, apparently the winters in PEI are apocolyptic. I will be living in a different time zone, proof that time travel is possible! And the most exciting thing of all is that I don't know what the Lord has in store for me. Looking back over this past year as I prepared myself for this adventure I have seen countless signs of Gods handy work as He went before me preparing me for this new chapter in my life. I know that as long as I continue to hold the Lords hand, white nuckled and terrified, that I will be just fine.   

I am ready to be afraid and brave in the same step. I am ready to be excited and sad in the same breath, and I am ready to jump in with both feet, hit the ground running and keep on singing.

But for those days when all I want to do is curl up in my bed, holding Superbowl in a death grip against my chest, and weep uncontrollably, I know that on the other side of those tears is the faith from dozens and dozens and dozens of loved ones cheering me on and whispering words of encouragement into my heart through their prayers.

So here I am. Ready.

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